Another Intelligent Brotherhood Discussion
by c-wolf
Summary: Pietro finds some stupid laws.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-men.

* * *

Pietro walked in to the room where the rest of the Brotherhood were. "You have to check this out."

Lance sighed. "What now? A monkey grabbing hold of Summers nose and holding on for dear life as he runs around town screaming? Oh wait… that happened last week when Toad gave the monkeys at the zoo some caffeine!"

Toad blinked. "But they looked so sad."

"Oh shut up!"

Pietro spoke up. "Guys?"

"WHAT!" They yelled.

"Oh, just some stupid laws I found…"

Lance blinked. "Well… anything is better than sitting around bored. What have you got?"

"For starters, how about Alabama?"

"What about it?"

"It's illegal to drive while blindfolded…"

Toad grinned. "You mean Kelly would've been arrested last week if he lived in Alabama?"

Fred thought for a moment. "Well his hands were handcuffed to the drivers side door handle. Maybe he'd get probation?"

The rest of the Brotherhood stared at him in shock for a second.

Pietro sighed. "Moving right along. Wanda might enjoy this."

Wanda glared. "What?" The lights started to flicker dangerously.

Pietro's eyes widened. "In the case of divorce, women can keep their property, while men will lose it?"

Wanda blinked then calmed down while he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Here's another one. It's legal to drive the wrong way down a one way street if you have a lamp attached to the front of the car."

Lance blinked. "Would Duncan count? Oh wait… he's a little dim." He and Toad exchanged high fives.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Idiots."

"Hmm… Alaska has one unique one. It says that the state policy is to keep emergencies to a minimum, and are rarely found to exist."

Lance grinned. "So apparently Magneto hasn't been causing trouble there."

"Leave my father out of this!" Pietro yelled. Then he blinked as he looked at Arizona next. "Um… moving along."

"What is it Pietro?"

"This particular law in Arizona isn't PG… so how about this one instead? Donkey's can't sleep in bathtubs?"

Toad laughed. "So does that mean Summers has…"

Wanda sighed. "That's donkey, not…"

"Moving right along!" Pietro yelled. "Though I do agree with my dear sister."

Several sharp objects lifted into the air.

Pietro gulped. "Anyhow, in Mohave County, anyone who steals a bar of soap must wash himself with it until it's used up."

Toads eyes widened. "Dude, that's cruel and unusual punishment."

"Like you'd steal a bar of soap."

"I have better things to steal, like Snookums heart…" Todd said and leaned toward Wanda. She hexed him through a wall.

Pietro blinked at one law. "Hmm… it says here that flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock, Arkansas could result in a 30 day jail term…" Then he glanced up and started to back away from an irate Wanda while the rest ran out the back.

"Are you trying to imply something!"

Scott and Jean were driving by the Brotherhood house. They slammed on the brakes, as a singed Pietro ran by followed by an irate Wanda.

"Now remember sis! If we were in Arkansas, it'd be illegal to kill any living creature!"

"In your case, it'd be justifiable homicide!" She yelled.

Scott shook his head. "I don't want to know, I really don't want to know."


	2. Another wacky conversation

Lance walked down the stairs and paused.

"Oh no, not again."

Pietro grinned. "Yes again!"

"Fine… not like I have anything better to do. What've you got this time?"

Pietro pretended to adjust a pair of non-existent glasses. "Well my dear boy…"

"Get on with it!"

"Fine be that way!" Pietro yelled then shuffled the papers in his hand.

"First, California. It's illegal for a vehicle to exceed 60 miles an hour without a driver…" Pietro broke off in shock as did the rest of the brotherhood.

They watched out the window as Scott's driverless car zoomed by followed by a cussing Cyclops and a manic Forge on a motorized unicycle.

They all blinked.

Pietro shook his head. "Moving right along, no pun intended." He ignored the groans. Then he blinked again.

"In Belvedere, California No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

Toad grinned. "So when the X-men are walking around without Xavier…" Then he and Lance high fived each other.

Fred looked at Wanda.

"What! I actually agree with them!" She yelled.

Pietro looked at the sheet in puzzlement. "In Chico, California, detonating a Nuclear Weapon in city limits will result in a 500 dollar fine."

Wanda grinned maniacally while the rest backed up. "So all we have to do is scrounge up five hundred dollars?"

"Um… and on to Hollywood. It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard."

Toad rolled his eyes. "Well, we did cause a stampede of 2,000 circus animals." (referencing a Red Witch story)

Lance glared at him. "And ate 2,000 more butterflies."

"Details, details."

Pietro blinked. "Oh man, I'm glad I don't live in Lodi, California."

"Why's that?"

"It's illegal to sell or own silly string." Then Pietro burst out laughing. "In Los Angeles it's illegal for Toads to be licked."

Then his eyes widened as he backed up. "I wasn't saying anthing about you, Wanda."

She glared. "You'd better not."

Toad stared at her dreamily.

"If you want to live, Toad, you will keep that thought to yourself!" Wanda yelled, as several items in the room started forward menacingly.

"Ah, Toad. Here's one for you."

"Oh?"

"In San Francisco, persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street."

"Very funny. And here's one that applies to you that I heard about."

"Oh?"

"It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex."

Pietro snarled. "It's in fashion!"

Lance grinned. "You know, there's always been something off about you."

"That's it!" He yelled and leaped toward Lance only to be blasted backwards by one of Wanda's hex bolts.

"I actually agree with the idiot, so shut up!"

Toad cracked his knuckles, and an earthquake was felt. Pietro backed up slowly. "Now guys, I didn't mean to…."

Rahne ran past Rogue and Tabitha in wolfform. "What's with her?" Then they paused. "Oh my!"

Pietro was hanging upside down from a flag pole and wearing form fitting see through boxer shorts. "Get me down from here!"

Tabitha cackled. "Not until we get some photos first, Speedy!"

"Tabitha!"


	3. Tabitha joins the fun

It began like any other day. With a random visit from someone.

"Tabitha! I'm taking a shower here!" Lance yelled and the building trembled.

Tabitha grinned. "Come on, it's not like I haven't seen you before."

"Only because you kept walking in on me you lunatic!"

She rolled her eyes as she strolled out. "Well, you'd probably enjoy Florida then."

Lance sighed. "Why?"

She laughed. "It's considered an offense to shower naked." Then Tabitha strolled on out, high fiving Pietro on the way.

Behind her, Lance was banging his head on the shower wall repeatedly. "Not again… why does this happen to me. Why me?"

* * *

Lance glowered at Pietro and the manic female. "Get on with it."

Pietro grinned. "Well, since you asked so nicely. We've covered one law. Here's another."

He adjusted the papers in his hands. "In Florida, you are not allowed to break more than 3 dishes a day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers"

(CRASH) "TOAADD!" Wanda's voice was heard yelling.

Pietro shook his head. "Good thing we live here, huh?" Then he backed up slightly at Lance's glare.

Tabitha grinned and grabbed a sheet. She and Pietro tugged back and forth until she finally won.

Then she looked at the sheet, and her eyes got wide. "Oh my. We'll just keep that away from Lance's innocent ears."

"Like that's ever stopped you before." Lance moaned.

"Ah, here's one. We're still on Florida."

"Don't you mean drugs?"

"In Key West, chickens are considered an endangered species."

Lance grinned nastily. "Well, guess we can't kill Pietro then."

"That's right… wait a minute!" Pietro yelled. Tabitha smacked him on the back of the head.

"Tabby!"

"Moving right along. In Honolulu, it's unlawful to annoy a bird within the limits of any public park."

Toad hopped by followed by an angry Wanda. "Guess that means we have to leave Jean alone." He and Lance high fived each other.

Wanda sighed. "Again?"

Pietro grabbed the papers back from Tabitha and she pouted. "Here's one. In Idaho, it's illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of chocolates weighing less than 50 pounds."

Wanda glared at Toad.

He blinked. "What?"

"Don't even think about it."

Then Pietro burst out laughing. "Residents may not fish from a Giraffe's back."

Toad grinned. "Speaking of which…"

"We are not going to visit that stupid zoo again!" Lance yelled. (reference to a Red Witch story)

Tabitha rolled her eyes and looked over Pietro's shoulder. "In a town called Normal, Illinois, it's illegal to make faces at dogs."

He frowned. "Oh nuts, guess we have to be nicer to the X-men."

Tabitha slapped him on the head again.

"You're not a dog of course."

"That's better Speedy."

Pietro rolled his eyes and looked down. "In Indiana, Baths may not be taken between October and March."

Toad smiled. "Maybe Snookums and I can move there then…"

Wanda glared and hexed him out a window.

Tabitha grinned. "Also in Indiana, A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor."

Lance blinked at Pietro as he started laughing. "Don't tell me…"

Scott, Jean, Kurt, Bobby, and Kitty stood in shock at the Bayville park. They watched as several multi-colored birds and rabbits ran around.

"How do they do it?" Scott then shook his head. "Never mind, I don't want to know."


End file.
